Jonathan has been pestering me to watch The Langoliers with him for the past month. I wasn’t too interested in it, since A) It was a goofy made-for-tv movie, and B) Nothing about it seemed interesting.
I mean, really… “Most of the passengers on an airplane disappear, and the remainder land the plane in a mysteriously barren airport” doesn’t really strike me as edge-of-your-seat entertainment. Jonathan was persistent, and I eventually gave in.
I prepped our dinner and we fired up Netflix. Naturally, it was the original TV aspect ratio of 4:3, giving us some lovely black bars on either side of the screen. good ole 90′s television, and that slightly blurry resolution. So vintage.
From the get-go, I knew I’d have to do something to spice up the awesomeness: cue Twitter. Live tweeting makes everything more fun, right?! Throw in some snark, and I was bound to lose 5-8 followers.
You ready for this? OFF WE GO!
Jonathan is making me watch The Langoliers…it’s so 90s it hurts. #LookMaNoTSA
LOL these graphics are hilarious. #TheLangoliers
I really want to throat punch this business dude. #TheLangoliers
then, an amazing suggestion…
Creepy blind kid? TAKE A DRINK #TheLangoliers
PITA business guy acting like a douche? YELL AT SCREEN, TAKE A DRINK #TheLangoliers
I’m confused: people disappear, leave behind jewellery, dentures, change, but no clothes? #TheLangoliers
Douche business guy again! DRINK #TheLangoliers
Please someone punch him. #TheLangoliers
STAR TREK REFERENCE! #TheLangoliers
Ok, I’m in love with the British dude. #TheLangoliers
“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!” #TheLangoliers #relevantquotesfromothermovies
Douche business guy yelling again: THREE DRINKS #TheLangoliers
Creepy blind girl has telepathic something or other? DRINK #TheLangoliers
Nerdy violin dude looks like he wants to tap that kinda-goth chick #TheLangoliers
Conspiracy theory time: DRINK #TheLangoliers
Douche business dude is really creeping me out with his orgasmic napkin tearing… #TheLangoliers
Whoa, Internet dating minus the Internet. Even more disappointing when they don’t look like their pic! #TheLangoliers
Violin dude is making some serious sexy eyes at rehab girl. #goforitman #TheLangoliers
They totally used graphics from the original Microsoft Flight Simulator. #TheLangoliers
“I’m so scared, I’m going to move seats because that’s totally going to make me feel better!” #TheLangoliers #planelogic
TUUUUUURBUUUUULEEEEEENCE! Yet they’re still above the cloud layer… #TheLangoliers
This movie is seriously lacking in the bloodwolves department. @hijinksensue #TheLangoliers
Low on fuel: DRINK #TheLangoliers
TOUCHDOWN! take a drink #TheLangoliers
Airport deserted? DRINK #TheLangoliers
Douche business dude: WARGARBLE I HAVE MEETING TO ATTEND HURRDURRHURR I’M SO IMPORTANT #TheLangoliers
I’ve always wanted to go down those airplane slides. #TheLangoliers
“It smells really badly wrong.” Who farted? #TheLangoliers
“THAT’S A B! B IS FOR BUM!” #goodparenting #TheLangoliers
I half expected British dude to stick his finger up business douche’s nose. Disappointed. #TheLangoliers
EVEN THE LOBSTERS ARE GONE! #TheLangoliers
Business douche has disappeared: my money’s on him in the bathroom removing the stick from his butt. #TheLangoliers
Oohhhh, daddy issues. #TheLangoliers
VIOLIN KID IS SUPERMAN! #TheLangoliers
His heroism totally turned on rehab chick. #TheLangoliers
I really hope Mr Jenkins’ first name is Leroy. #TheLangoliers
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey explanation: DRINK #TheLangoliers
Rehab girl has her headlights on in EVERY shot. #coldonset? #TheLangoliers
Giggity! Rehab girl gets handsy with violin dude. “Dear Diary: Jackpot!” #TheLangoliers
Uh oh, business douche found a dull steak knife! #dundunDUUNNNNN #TheLangoliers
GO GO GADGET EARS #TheLangoliers
AAAHHHH business douche stabbed creepy psychic girl FINISH YOUR DRINK AND START ANOTHER #TheLangoliers
“I’ve got my toaster, I’ve got my tablecloth, I’m ready for a BEAT DOWN.” #TheLangoliers
STABBY STABBY STABBY #TheLangoliers
Oh yeah, drink #TheLangoliers
TOASTER TO THE FACE THIS IS AWESOME #TheLangoliers #doubletap
Rule 1: Cardio. Rule 2: Double tap #TheLangoliers
Come on, DOS, compute faster. #TheLangoliers
At this point someone noticed me having fun:
“You did this with a toaster?” #TheLangoliers
C:\> airplane.exe #TheLangoliers
Albert does the ugly cry #TheLangoliers
Makeup department went a little overboard with business douche’s head wound #TheLangoliers
Board meeting on the tarmac. #TheLangoliers
bahahahahaha he’s doing wilflail.gif as he runs. #TheLangoliers
Steven King cameo! #TheLangoliers
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ #TheLangoliers
LMAO WHAT ARE THOSE, POKEMON? #TheLangoliers
BITEY BITEY BALLS OF SNOT #TheLangoliers
I’m laughing so hard I can’t even #TheLangoliers
‘Tis but a flesh wound! #TheLangoliers
Punch it, bro. #TheLangoliers
“Get outta here!” #TheLangoliers
Seriously, raisins with teeth? #TheLangoliers
Bro, does your plane even have lift? #TheLangoliers
Aw, her dude in Boston just got the shaft. Can’t compete with hot British dude. #TheLangoliers #nomoretodrink
KISSES FOR EVERYBODY #TheLangoliers
British dude is 007! The hotness has been doubled! #TheLangoliers
She dead? Oh, she dead. #TheLangoliers
STOP CALLING ME “DEAR BOY” #TheLangoliers
It’s…..guys, that’s a purple vulva in the sky. #TheLangoliers
See, it totally is.
“Sleep?! How am I going to get to sleep now?!” Uh, masturbate? #TheLangoliers
Or, ok, hypoxia. That’s probably easier. #TheLangoliers
Boston dude got lucky! #TheLangoliers
Do we have time to join the mile high club before everyone falls asleep & you vanish? No? Ok, face touching time. #TheLangoliers
“This is where all life maybe begins” well yeah it looks like a vulva, makes sense. #TheLangoliers
“There’s nobody down there!” FALSE I SEE TRAFFIC MOVING. #TheLangoliers
Continuity guy, you had ONE JOB! #TheLangoliers
Violin dude is gonna finger her instrument, if you know what I mean #TheLangoliers #winkwink
Jonathan: “and now this is when they all jump in the air and the frame freezes…” 3 seconds later… “YES I KNEW IT!” #TheLangoliers
And then they became the Breakfast Club. #TheLangoliers
Ok, thanks for putting up with me live tweeting #TheLangoliers! It was fun, and now I’m tired. Hopefully no nightmares about toothy raisins.
DRINK TOTAL: 14*
And there we have it. I’ll be back next Thursday evening (time TBA) to enjoy the cult classic Tank Girl. Wanna join? Follow me on Twitter @LyssaPearl and use hashtag #TankGirlMovie!
It’ll be fun and we’ll get hammered.
