I wanted to write a silly little short story, just because I can. So here it is!

*****

You wish you had my awesome life. My schedule is pretty laid back; I wake up, take a bath, grab something to eat, then head out to do whatever I feel like. It’s nice to be spoiled, you know? I don’t have to work or go to school or anything, and my basic needs are taken care of by my landlord. It’s a ridiculously sweet deal I’ve got here…except for my roommate. She’s insane. I can’t even speak to her, she just gets all pissed off and flies into a rage. I’m fairly certain she’s got some mental problem, which is a shame. She’s really pretty, if a bit overweight. Maybe if she got outside and went for a jog or something once in a while, she’d shed some of her tummy flab. I don’t dare tell her that, she’ll probably fly off the handle and try to bite my head off. Again.

Today I decided to get out of the house, maybe hike out into the woods and do some exploring. It’s been a while since I was out here, and the recent rainstorms have washed away most of the trails I had carved out during the summer. No matter; I’m an outdoors kinda girl, not afraid to get dirty or muddy. The deer are out in force this season, and I try my best to avoid them. I definitely do not want to get attacked by their sharp hooves or pointy horns, you would not believe how much damage those morons can inflict. I hate deer, almost as much as I hate raccoons…they’re just stupid fuzzy footballs with masks! A friend hit one with her car a while ago, it did an insane amount of damage and now she loathes them too.

I’m walking through the damp leaves, delicately picking my way over fallen logs and around soggy patches of mud sprinkled with mushrooms. I’m on private property, so I don’t have to worry about hunters, even though my coat is a muted tan and brown color. I’ve got white on too, so I’m at least a little visible in the fog and mist. It’s not supposed to rain today, so I’m not too worried about getting wet and uncomfortable. The breeze picks up suddenly, and the temperature drops rapidly. I decide it’s time to go home, just in case the looming clouds do decide to piss water everywhere. You can never trust those weather people.

I get back to my apartment and have a snack. Roomie is still plopped on her bed, snoozing. She hears me come in and sneers, green eyes narrowed in dislike. I don’t know what I ever did to piss her off, honestly. I moved in less than a year ago, and while we’ve gotten into it once or twice, I usually just avoid her and go about my business. It’s easier that way.

Outside, the garden is damp and sparkling in the sunlight. After a solid week of rain and dreary clouds, it’s nice to be able to lay out and soak up some vitamin D. It’s so relaxing out here, peaceful and quiet, and I soon doze off in my favorite spot on the patio.

I must have been asleep longer than I thought. A few raindrops smack me in the face, and it’s dark out, probably late afternoon. My stomach growls and rumbles, so I saunter in the back door for some grub, and nearly run straight into Roomie. She glares at me, and lashes out angrily. I panic and step back quickly to avoid her. Perhaps I’ll go in the front door instead.

I squeeze past the Silver Streak parked next to the house, and head for the front entrance. Someone inside is cooking, and it smells delicious. I don’t have a key, and the door is locked, so I sit for a bit and wait for someone to come outside, or for one of the other residents to get home. A battered blue Toyota suddenly pulls up the gravel driveway, and I jump a bit, startled. It’s the guy I like, the one who gives excellent back rubs. He smiles at me and says hey, opening the front door and calling a hello into the house. I head for the door, only to have it shut in my face. Uh, what?! Fine. I’ll go in through the garage, the door has been open all day.

I weave my way through toolboxes and project cars, towards the door to the kitchen. I yell at the people inside to open the door and let me in, since the smell of dinner is making my stomach growl even louder. I’m hungry, dang it.

The younger lady that lives here opens the door and sees me. “Hi sweetheart!” she says, a wide smile on her face. I like her, but I like the dark-haired man more. I guess I just don’t get along with other females well. She pushes past me into the garage, headed for the cabinet that houses canned goods and a multitude of beers. She left the door open for me, so I wander inside towards the living room, looking for my favorite guy. He’s sprawled on the couch, watching tv. He sees me walk into the living room, and a frown creases his forehead.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here!” He gets up and heads towards me. Crap. I thought for sure he’d let me stay in. I want to sit on the squishy couch too! I have a nice big pillow out in the back of one of the VWs, but it’s not the same. He doesn’t have to deal with HER either…Cody, my roommate. She’s such a pain.

“Come on, cutie, out you go. You know you’re not allowed in the house, Pat is allergic.” He scoops me up and carries me out the kitchen door. The younger lady is walking back inside, and when she sees me in his arms she laughs.

“Friday, you’re such a goofball. I love your fuzzy butt, but until we get our own place, you’re an outdoor girl.” She pats me on my head and the man sets me down. Sigh. Foiled again.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention: I’m a cat.

*****

I am very open to constructive criticism, if anyone wants to offer it. I’m not expecting any glowing praise…but if you feel like indulging me, I won’t turn it down! ;-)

-A